1
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,531
INSPECTOR: The De Gaulle chateau was
undergoing its annual spring cleaning,
2
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,999
an event which presented
its annual problem
3
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,499
of guarding the family jewel against theft.
4
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,363
What do you think of it, Inspector?
5
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:43,270
Well, it's obviously a cheap grade of glass.
6
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:48,816
Why don't you try looking through
the eyepiece instead of the diamond?
7
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:53,513
Oh, yes, I can see better now.
That's very expensive. Yes, of course.
8
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:58,422
The De Gaulle stone
is worth exactly 10 billion francs.
9
00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:02,223
It is your responsibility to guard it
for 24 hours.
10
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,993
Lose it and you will pay for it.
11
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:10,868
Well, in that case, I simply shall
double the standard security measures.
12
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:15,375
Deux-Deux? Deux-Deux, I want you to
process this jewel through identification
13
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,206
and check it for fingerprints.
Good boy, Deux-Deux.
14
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:21,407
- You called me, Inspector?
- Yes, Deux-Deux.
15
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,175
I could never understand
how he got into the French Police Force.
16
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,117
Give me the jewel, please.
17
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:30,019
What jewel? I don't have no jewel.
18
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:33,059
The one that I placed
in your black-gloved hand a moment ago.
19
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,287
Please, Deux-Deux.
20
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,886
But, señor, I am wearing the white gloves.
21
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:46,029
COMMISSIONER: In the name of Josephine,
get that stone back here!
22
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,172
- I'm Weft!
- I'm Wight.
23
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,612
I'm Wong!
24
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:57,549
Swiping the diamond
from police headquarters
25
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,813
was really using our heads.
26
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,185
What do you mean "we"?
It was my head we used.
27
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,884
You always think
you're the head with the brain.
28
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:10,124
- I'm not a three-time loser like you.
- Please, gentlemen! Confusion say,
29
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,961
"Three head not always better than one."
30
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,625
BOTH: Shut up!
31
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:18,502
Truth will always out. Cannot cover up.
32
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,198
(WONG EXCLAIMING)
33
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,740
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
34
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,171
Quick, get in the mazzi-mobile!
35
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,246
(ENGINE STARTS)
36
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,211
Halt! Halt, you...
37
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,944
- Quick, follow that mazzi-mobile.
- Sí.
38
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,815
- Come back, imbecile!
- Sí.
39
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,591
- You may turn in your police card.
- Sí.
40
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,891
And don't say "Sí, " say "Oui."
41
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,795
Sí. I mean, oui.
42
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,027
I don't know what I mean.
I wanna go home.
43
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:49,561
(BELL CLANGING)
44
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,798
The Inspector is on our trail.
45
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,533
Let him have it.
46
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,945
He's still following us.
47
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,585
Open bomb bays.
48
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,693
Bombs away!
49
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,932
(ALL LAUGHING)
50
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,242
Grab a cloud, you sneaks, you.
51
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:36,943
(CRASHING)
52
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,455
(CURSING IN FRENCH)
53
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:47,494
That brings the total to 55 billion francs!
54
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,291
Plus one antique desk!
55
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:55,332
- Come on, Wong. Let's see the jewel.
- Don't lush me!
56
00:03:57,437 --> 00:04:00,566
- What do you mean, "Uh-oh"?
- I just make discovery!
57
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,575
We have hole in our pocket!
58
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,076
(WONG EXCLAIMING)
59
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:10,014
Fortunately for your career,
we found the diamond.
60
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,380
Do you think you can keep your eye on it
61
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:17,185
for the remaining 23 and one half hours?
62
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,461
This way we don't get parking ticket!
63
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,189
- Confusion say...
- WEFT AND WIGHT: Shut up!
64
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:29,166
This time I put the diamond
in my own safe for safe-keeping.
65
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,832
Halt, halt, you insidious blackguard, you!
66
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,739
Halt, halt, in the name of the law.
67
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:37,811
(YELLING)
68
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,012
(CRASHING)
69
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:47,447
INSPECTOR: I trailed my quarry to
a disreputable hotel on the Left Bank.
70
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,256
- Deux-Deux?
- Sí.
71
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:52,417
You guard the stairs
while I take the elevator.
72
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,902
INSPECTOR: I kept their hotel room
under surveillance.
73
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,536
(GUN FIRES)
74
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,369
All right, you treacherous swine,
I warn you,
75
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,773
I can see every move that you make.
76
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,837
Deux-Deux, come here, dear boy.
77
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:19,048
What do you see
when you look through this keyhole?
78
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,554
(EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH)
79
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,315
Control yourself, Deux-Deux,
that's enough. Away, away.
80
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,554
Holy... Look at that,
I never seen it like that something.
81
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:36,769
All right, come out of there,
or I'll shoot by the time I count to three.
82
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:40,466
One, two, three!
83
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,269
(GUN FIRES)
84
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:49,149
INSPECTOR: A t last I closed in on
the Mazzarelli's hideout and surrounded it.
85
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,343
The Cossacks! Let's beat it!
86
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,046
Well, we can't get caught
with a hot diamond on us.
87
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,123
Confusion always say,
88
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,887
"Place for hot ice
is in glass of cool water."
89
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:04,624
Observe. Diamond enjoy
welcome incognito.
90
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,429
Don't move.
91
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,661
(INSPECTOR LAUGHS)
92
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,973
All right, men, spread out
and search these premises.
93
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,475
And also the grounds.
94
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,615
What's this? Ice water.
What do you know about that, eh?
95
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,517
Well, I hereby confiscate this ice water
in the name of thirst.
96
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,384
(CHOKING)
97
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,073
A very expensive-looking gallstone.
98
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:51,576
Here, nurse,
send this to the lab for a biopsy.
99
00:06:56,683 --> 00:07:00,950
INSPECTOR: So, you see,
whenever I think of the De Gaulle case,
100
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,523
it brings back tender memories to me.
101
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:04,591
(EXCLAIMS)